I've tried to remain very positive throughout this process, but it's been hard. You become so tired and the pain is relentless. It's not always excruciating, but it's ALWAYS uncomfortable. I've forgotten what it's like to not have a skin sensation like itching, burning, stinging, dryness, etc. Sometimes, no matter how much you've prepared, you lose it. Last night I attempted to fall asleep around 9:30. I laid down, STILL, and closed my eyes. FOR 2 HOURS. And never fell asleep. I wasn't itchy or uncomfortable... and I was SO TIRED (the night before I only got 4 hours of interrupted, itchy sleep). My husband came to bed at 11:30 and I realized I'd been laying there awake for 2 hours. I shot up out of bed and was FURIOUS. I banged my hands on the coffee table and threw the remote. He walked calmly out into the living room and I unloaded. I couldn't understand it! WHY!? ALL I WANT IS SLEEP. He looked at me and said, "You know what, I'm not tired either, let's forget about sleep! Let's make some food, get in bed, and watch TV! If you need to sleep in, I can go in late. I did a lot of work from home this weekend." Wow. It honestly was exactly what i needed. I grabbed a snack and he played with my hair. After less than an hour I was asleep and woke up only a few times and fell right back to sleep. And get this, our kids didn't wake up until 9:45??!? We both got to sleep in!
Anyway, my family and especially husband have been so supportive. On top of that, my sister shared this video with me that brought me to my knees. It's the most beautiful song and has such a profound and impactful meaning. It's about finding the joy, even in suffering...and that all suffering is meaningful. He actually pulled from Job's "song in the night"...which, of course, I'm reading Job. In the middle, there is an audio clip of John Piper that screamed at my heart. He speaks directly from scripture and it really puts "suffering" in perspective. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.... (the following video is the story behind the making of the song....)