Sunday, April 20, 2014

Day 50: Happy Easter

50 days!!!! I'm honestly SHOCKED time has gone by as quick as it has.  With as AWFUL as this whole experience is and has been, I'm remaining positive. 

Last night was pretty bad sleep wise.  Woke up at 1:30am and HAD to shower the ooze off.  Then I couldn't fall back asleep until 9:30 and slept upright, stiff, in a recline.  It was brutal, but it's OVER!  

  • I'm relearning to lean into Christ when things get rough...  NOT flee. 
  • My MOM IS COMING!!  For 2 blissful weeks!!!  I'm so excited for the rest!
  • I have help!  So much help.
  • My husband.
  • While the pain is still pretty upsetting, and my face is incredibly swollen and red, the skin is actually getting stronger!!!!  It is dramatically flakey with sandpaper skin, but that skin is getting stronger and healthier and is WAY less rough than it was!   I've learned that how it looks is NOT indicative of how it feels and is progressing.  ie it looks terrible today, but feels stronger and more reliable.
  • I'm 50 days healed!  If massive improvement is a year, I'm 1/7th finished and if the worst is the first 3 months, I'm half way finished with the (as Tracy from ITSAN put it) "hot, red, wet, bat $hit crazy flaring" phase!  Hahaha. Could NOT have said it better.
  • While this sucks, I am SO grateful that I'm stopping the steroids and am getting my life back.  I've suffered with unexplained fatigue for  YEARS and am certain the steroids played a part.  CERTAIN.
  • I can shower again!  It was entirely too painful and emotionally upsetting to shower. I would often cry in the aftermath of what the shower did to my skin.  Now, it may sting for just a second, but eventually I don't want to get out.  
  • Sleep... I'm tearing up at the thought of my poor, sweet, sick self so exhausted.  It hurts how tired I am
  • Tight skin.. I believe moisturizer withdrawal has helped heal the oozing phase, the tightness in my face is extermely uncomfortable. 
  • Lashing out...I feel like I've tried to be emotionally strong, and I have for the most part, but when the exhaustion is overwhelming, all I want to do is sleep and can't, a fit has taken over. 

  • What appears to be the most beautiful bluebonnet season in years.  I'm a photographer and LOVE bluebonnet pics!!   A bit sad I'm not game for going out.
  • Spring!  My favorite time of year... Hitting the parks and having picnics before the Texas heat hits.
  • Going out.. I want to go do fun stuff!  Sick of spending my weekends in bed. 

  • Shae Butter ... Some of my skin that's past the oozing phase is ready for moisturizer.  Vaseline is the only thing I've been able to use, but it's made me itch at times.  I saw hellboi333 had some luck with it, so I ordered this and LOVE it!  SO creamy and soothing on my skin and it's yet to make me itch!   Have a test spot on my wrist where I test ALL products before applying them.  This is the before and after of 2 applications....


Ok, so here's me today after a shower.

Skin dry and tight...face puffy...eyes swollen.  BUT less redness and stronger skin!  Can't stress that enough.

Happy healing everyone and Happy Easter!'



  1. So glad you have help!!! That is a wonderful blessing! Also re-affirming your faith is a glorious thing - stay strong!! :)

  2. Tracey, I think it was you that said "red, hot, wet, bat s*** crazy". Haha. I quoted you!

  3. Hi Jen. I think this way of sorting out different aspects of the present is a really effective technique in keeping a manageable state of mind during TSW, especially farther down the line. (I'm 17 months in and doing well.) Keep up the positives :)

    I left a reply to your comment on Tracy's latest post before I checked to see whether you had your own blog. Sorry, I'm just comment happy tonight! :p It was about whether you'd be interested in participating on an alternate forum. I'm andher- I was able to read your reply to my thread somehow, and I've received affirmative feedback elsewhere. I think a second option is due.


    1. Hi Andrea... I'd totally join another forum. Support any way I can get it! Do you have a blog? And 17 months!!!!? Congrats!!

    2. 17 if I did my mental math correctly. ;)

      No I don't have a blog. It's not my way of dealing with things I guess. As far as the forum, I'll keep you updated as things develop!


  4. Lean in girl! He is not only our lifesaver but our life giver! The depth of hope this dark place produces is unshakeable & cannot be taken away. We are blessed indeed & we will overcome! Next week will be one year for me but I remember day 50 very well. The pics of your hands/ arms especially look familiar. Hugs to you TSW friend!!!

    1. Thank you so much! It's so difficult to lean in when it's such a dark and angry place, but what a huge lesson to learn right now...