I've been withdrawing for 141 days. I've healed a LOT but still have a ways to go. I'm in the phase now where my skin is CONSTANTLY a flaky, itchy, red mess. It's not oozy and "woundy" looking anymore, but it's just a mess. On top of it being unsightly and obnoxious, it's also SUPER HYPER OVER CRAZY sensitive! I have to wear long sleeves the majority of the time because if anything (and i mean ANYTHING) touches where I'm broken out, it will flare up and welt and be uncontrollably itchy. I've also started having food intolerances to food I was never allergic to. I had a HORRIBLE reaction to sweet potatoes the other day to the point my husband had to come home. It's so frustrating. Oh, and did I mention that putting WATER on my skin sends it into an ITCHY, BURNING, UNCOMFORTABLE mess for about 20 minutes!? WATER BURNS ME. OVER IT. Moisturizer of any kind is no better.
At 141 days, I'm tired. I'm over this hell and ready for the next chapter. I'm ready to go swimming and leave my house at the drop of a hat. I'm ready to go on a date. I'm ready to feel pretty. "But you ARE beautiful, jen!" While I understand that you believe this, I don't feel it at the moment. Wait, let me be clear, my soul feels beautiful, my face does not! Kiiiinda hard to feel beautiful when you have no eyebrows and your skin is red, inflamed, and flaky. It's gross. It's ugly. You feel it ALL THE TIME. And the heat makes it unbearable.
Anyway, not writing this for a pity party, just letting some things go. At the moment I feel like I'm never going to be healed. Like I'm never going to have a normal life. I'm never going to be able to take my kids to the pool or to the park or anywhere without PLANNING THE HELL AHEAD. It's beyond prison at this point. To be tethered so closely to your house, unable to leave it most of the time, is sad.
Hoping for a break. Normal skin to make me feel like there's hope ahead.
On a positive note, my energy is coming back and I'm starting to have stamina to go and do things! That's good.